Propensity
by ReversedSam
Summary: Catherine over thinks sometimes. Maybe she shouldn't. It's femmeslash, don't read if you don't like that kinda thing. COMPLETE
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimers: They're not mine, but I promise I'll have them back by midnight.  
A/N: All mistakes and British spellings are mine. **

**Propensity **

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**Part One**

I think I've had too much to drink. I think it's entirely possible the last drink I had was the 'one' from that 'one too many' line. I think Sara's had too much to drink too.

Still, we had a shitty case to deal with, a boss in a shitty mood and, well, just an all around shitty night. So I dragged Sara out with me, actually physically dragged her. She was hell-bent on going home to sulk, or brood, or get angry, whatever it is she does after a hard case.

But no, not today, I had other plans for her. I knew the case had gotten to her, happens to us all occasionally. And I don't like seeing her like that, so I decided not to let her have the chance.

I ignored her protests, told her she'd have a good time, and if not she could drink herself stupid and forget it for a while. She didn't agree, but she didn't get out of the cab I'd dragged her into either. That was enough for me.

So we sat, drinks in hand and talked. Not about any particular thing, just whatever happened to be on our minds. We danced for a while too, but mostly we talked.

She's hilarious when she wants to be. When she lets herself go, even just a little. That's happening a lot more lately, she's a lot more relaxed, and it shows. She seems happier. And that can't be bad.

It was Sara who decided we'd had enough. I asked if she wanted another drink. With a laugh and a shake of her head she dragged me up and said she wanted food.

So now here we are, in my living room, a half empty bottle of wine on the table, two half empty glasses next to it. I'm stretched out on the sofa and Sara's stretched out on the floor next to the sofa, a few pillows under her head. We're not as drunk as when we left the bar, some food and a slower rate of alcohol consumption have seen to that. So we're actually having conversations again. For a while there, it was slight disjointed babbles.

"Why are you on the floor?"

"I'm not sure." She shrugs. "Seemed like a good idea at the time. Either that or I fell and landed here." She laughs and I smile in response. While I'm not ashamed to admit that I love that sound, I'm not ready to think about why just yet.

Turning on my side to look down at Sara I decide it's time to quiz her a little. Last time we got drunk together we talked about past relationships and I shocked the hell out of her when I told her I was bi. I also quizzed her about Gil. This time it's someone else.

I have a few things I'm curious about and since the alcohol is making whatever has stopped me asking it before now seem unimportant, I figure now is as good a time as any.

"So, tell me, what's going on with you and Sofia?" I lean across and grab my glass as I speak; taking a drink and putting it back, settling down again to wait for her answer.

Her look is one of mild shock, mixed with amusement.

"What? Didn't think I'd bring that up, didn't think I'd noticed?" I question, grin firmly in place.

"Didn't think it would take you this long." She laughs. "I thought you'd have brought it up after two drinks."

"I didn't think about it till now." I say, and I hadn't.

"In answer to your question, nothing." She states as she sits up and takes a drink.

"Nothing? The way she acts around you, it doesn't look like nothing."

"Well, I didn't say that she was happy about there being nothing going on, or that she wasn't trying to change it." She smirks.

"Ah, I thought so. So what about you? Do you want there to be something between you?"

She shrugs as she takes another drink. "Honesty? I don't know. It would be nice to have someone. I just don't know if that someone could be her."

I wish she was like this more often. Open, less guarded. I like that we're talking, nothing is being taken the wrong way, no miscommunications. Just two friends talking. It's nice.

A thoroughly mischievous look crosses her face as she looks at me. "Usually, I like my blonde's shorter, with a bit more attitude."

I can't help chuckle at her. "Now that, Sara Sidle, could very easily be misconstrued as flirting."

She laughs for a minute before replying. "It could, couldn't it? But what if don't want anything misconstrued? What if flirting is exactly what it was?"

Sitting up properly and turning to her, wanting to see her face. I study her for a minute, trying to decide how serious she is. She isn't giving much away. But her gaze is unfaltering. As if she's daring me to acknowledge what she's just said, not pass it off as I joke, something that would be so easy to do. I could just laugh and ask another question, but something is stopping me doing that.

I'm not sure how to answer her though. Not sure I'm ready to face the consequences of that conversation, should we choose to have it.

Although, I've never been the type of person to hide from my feelings. I've always been more of a 'face it head on' type of woman. And I see no reason to change that now. All I need to do is figure out exactly what my feelings are. "So, tell me a little more about your type." I calmly state. Having no idea what I've just got myself into.

She smiles as she moves so she's kneeling in front of me. My heart rate picks up, suddenly I feel a little nervous.

"Well." She says as her fingers come up to brush across my cheek. Her voice is low and gravely. "She'd have to be confident." She doesn't make eye contact as she speaks, instead she watches her fingers move against my skin. Watches them as they trace along my jaw line. "Intelligent." Across my pulse point and down to my collarbone. "She'd have an amazing smile." My stomach muscles tighten as her fingers move to trace along the necklace I have on. Finally Lifting her eyes to mine "And blue eyes, I love blue eyes."

I can't speak, can barely breathe. I never realised just how beautiful her eyes are, and I find I can't look away from them.

Wordlessly her hands move to my legs, hooking her fingers behind my knees. I'm sure I've stopped breathing as she slowly parts my legs and pulls me so I'm flush against her.

Her gaze never falters, but she doesn't move. She's placed the ball in my court and it's up to me what, if anything, happens next.

Still unable to break eye contact. My eyes flick to her mouth and right now, I can think of nothing but how it would feel to kiss her.

I'm leaning in, closing the tiny remaining distance between us before I even realise I'm doing so. My eyes slide closed at the first touch of her lips on mine. It's a soft, almost chaste kiss and I pull back a little to gauge her reaction.

Her eyes are closed and she's leaning back in, blindly searching for more kisses. I have neither the will-power, nor the desire to deny her and my hands move to cup her face, wanting more contact this time.

I hear a contented sigh as our lips meet again, and realise it came from me. My hands move from her face, down to the back of her neck as hers slide around my waist.

She pulls back and this time it's me leaning back in, needing more.

I hear her whimper as our tongues meet and my grip on her tightens. The kiss is slow, intense and incredibly sensual. It suddenly strikes me that she must be intense in every thing she does. The thought quickly being pushed aside as I feel her touching me.

I don't notice her hands have moved until her fingers are brushing over my collarbone and up my neck. When her nails gently drag across the back of my neck I have no control over the low moan that escapes me.

Breaking our kiss, she lowers her mouth to my neck. Slowly kissing her way down. I realise I'm gripping her shoulders for dear life, trying to pull her as close as I possibly can.

The gasp that escapes me when she bites down gently seems to break the spell she has me in and it occurs to me exactly what is happening here. Or more accurately, what will happen if we don't stop soon.

If I'm going to stop this, I need to do it now. Before I give in completely.

"Sara." I'm a little shocked by how husky my voice sounds.

She doesn't stop. Just continues kissing me.

"Sara."

I get her attention this time. Her mouth trails back up my neck and she murmurs. "What's up?" Against my lips, before kissing me again.

Feeling myself once again starting to get lost in the kiss I slide my hands into her hair and pull away.

We're both breathing heavily and her eyes are still closed. I close mine too, to fight the urge to kiss her again.

"We shouldn't do this now." I tell her as soon as I get my breath back.

Her eyes open slowly and I fight the moan that threatens to escape me when I see the heat there.

"No. We shouldn't." She nods in agreement. Thankfully for me. Should she have tried to convince me otherwise, I know it wouldn't have taken much.

"We're drunk; we could be making a huge mistake. If we ever do this, I don't want it to be because we're drunk."

"Me either." She agrees and moves away from me, standing up. I miss the heat of her immediately and I'm tempted to pull her back to me.

"I'm gonna head home okay? If I stay, I won't be able to keep my hands to myself."

I'm not prepared for the affect that statement has on me. A shiver of arousal making its way through my body at the thought of me causing her to lose her ever present control.

When I stand to follow her to the door my legs are shaky.

"Thanks. For today, for not letting me go home and brood." She says as we reach the front door. "I'll see you at work?"

Her shift to casual conversation makes me think for a moment that I must have imagined the whole thing. She's talking as if we weren't just making out on my sofa. While my brain is still trying to take it in. Although I'm not even sure why I think she should be acting differently.

I'm about to reply, when she leans in and kisses me. The kiss is short, too short.

"Sorry, I know we said we shouldn't but..."

"Sshh, it's okay. Very okay."

She smiles before turning and opening the door and I watch her till  
she's out of my driveway before closing it.

An hour later when I climb into bed my mind is filled with thoughts of Sara. I still can't take it all in. So we kissed. We weren't exactly sober though. I have no idea if it means anything. Although the more I think about it, the more I think I'd like it to mean something. To say I'm confused would be an understatement. I never in a million years  
thought I'd ever be kissing Sara. Sure, I might have thought about it once or twice, but that's it. I've never felt the need to turn those idle thoughts into reality.

I'm not even sure why I let it happen, why I initiated the kiss. Yes, she made a pass at me, but I took it that step further. Why?

It seems the only thing I am sure about is that Sara and I need to talk tomorrow.

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	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimers in part one.**

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**Part Two**

We haven't spoken since that morning at my house, two weeks ago. Well, obviously we've spoken, but not about anything none work related. Not about what happened between us.

It's not that I haven't tried, I have. On more than a few occasions but it's just not worked out.

We've been working a high profile case. Which means doubles, lot's of doubles. Or, if you're Sara, working until you're told to leave and get some sleep, then coming back three hours later.

Work hasn't left much time for anything. So every time I've tried to talk to her, we're interrupted. One of us gets a phone call or a pager goes off, or there's a break in the case. And since we've not been able to get a minute alone together outside the lab, the interruptions aren't surprising.

So things have changed. Work has changed. Sara's changed, or maybe it's all me. I have no idea.

I can't look at her the same now. She's not just Sara any more. She's Sara, who looks really cute when she's tired. Or, Sara, who looks really sexy when she's angry. Sara, who I really want to kiss.

The way she unconsciously pushes her hair behind her ear. The amazing smile she gets when she works something out. How intense she gets. All things I've seen her do a million times before, but now they seem different. Now they give me butterflies and make me smile.

I notice everything about her now. I find myself watching her all the time. Find myself constantly looking for excuses to see her, talk to her, touch her. Anything.

Of course she knows it too. She's noticed the change in our relationship just as much as I have. And damn I love the sexy little smirk I get when she catches me looking. Or whenever my eyes linger somewhere they shouldn't.

I'm not alone in this either. I'm not the only one looking a little longer than necessary. I can't get enough of the shy smile or slight blush I get when I catch her checking me out.

It's confusing. How can she be so under my skin after a single kiss? A drunken kiss at that.

So work is a little strange. There's a tension between us that's never been there before. Slightly awkward silences whenever we're alone together and the subject strays from work. A nervous tension whenever we get close to each other. I'm fighting the urge to reach out and touch her almost constantly.

We're more tactile with each other too. She sits closer. Lets her hand rest on the small of my back as we walk together.

All little things that are starting to add up to a big distraction.

I'm used to arguments and heated discussions with her. Not flirting and heated looks. Sexual tension is new, very new and sometimes I get thrown by it.

On more than one occasion I've gotten a little flustered when she's casually paid me a compliment or started flirting. It lasts all of two seconds but she notices. She seems to like having that affect on me, likes seeing me a little of balance. But then I enjoy seeing her like that too. I like knowing that I can cause a momentary lapse in her concentration.

Thankfully, the case is winding down now. Once we have our reports done, there's nothing left to do but wait for the trial.

Which means that I'll get the chance to talk to Sara soon. I'm excited and apprehensive about the prospect. Having constantly thought about her for the past two weeks there's no doubt in my mind, I want her. And while I'm sure she feels something. I'm not sure what and until we talk about it, there's always that nagging doubt that it's all in my head.

We're in the break room now. Sara and Warrick are working on their reports. I should be doing mine but my concentration seems to have deserted me. I got up to make coffee five minutes ago and have been standing looking at Sara instead. Her head is tilted to the side a she writes her report. Her hair tucked behind her ear. And I can't seem to keep my eyes off her neck. I'm thinking about trailing my tongue along it when I hear Warrick calling my name.

Jumping slightly when I realise he's standing right next to me I offer an apologetic smile. "Sorry, I zoned out for a second, what did you say?"

"Just asked if you wanted anything to eat? I'm going to go grab something."

"No, I'm good thanks."

He nods before leaving. And my heart rate picks up the second I realise I'm alone with Sara.

She hasn't looked up from her report and I'm not about to alert her to the fact that we don't have company. As much as we need to talk, here isn't the place.

So I turn and make my coffee, determined not to look at her for at least five minutes.

"Enough in there for two?" I jump yet again as she speaks; her mouth is right next to my ear and a wonder when it was I got so easy to sneak up on.

I refuse to let her see me flustered again so I pick my cup up and turn to face her. "Sorry, seems this was the last cup." I smirk.

Returning my smirk she nods her head slightly before replying. "That's okay. I'll have some of yours." Her hand moves to the cup, covering my hand with her own she guides the cup to her lips. Not breaking eye contact until she takes a drink, then her eyes slide closed and she sighs.

Damn. How exactly is it that she's turned coffee drinking into the sexiest thing I've seen in weeks?

I cough slightly to clear my throat as she opens her eyes again. "I know you were watching me before. I could feel your eyes on me. It's distracting."

How come I never noticed how utterly sexy her voice is before?

"Tell me what you were thinking about."

I'm tempted, oh so tempted. But this is neither the time nor the place. Especially since I'd much rather show her what I was thinking about.

"I don't think now is the time." My voice comes out as a whisper.

She still has hold of my hand and the coffee cup and I break her hold, putting the cup behind me. I need for her to move away. Having her this close isn't a good idea. My body is trying to arch into her and I can't let that happen. Not here.

"You're right...again." She smirks, then thankfully, takes a step back. "We really need to talk."

"I know." I nod. Walking back to the table I grab my file. "I'm going to take this to my office. I might get some work done that way."

"Something distracting you Catherine?" She teases.

I don't reply. Just smile and head to my office. Closing the door behind myself once I'm there.

I don't seem to be having much luck concentrating in here either. I wish I was more like Sara sometimes. It seems no matter what's going on she can be in work mode in seconds. Her concentration never wavers.

I know I'm so distracted because I need some form of clarification; I need to know what, if anything, is going on. I'm long past playing games with people.

I'm going to talk to her after shift. I can't wait any more.

I manage to concentrate on my report after about fifteen minutes and thankfully I'm almost finished when there's a knock on my office door.

It opens a second later to reveal Sara, coffee cup in hand. Damn, just when I'd managed to start focusing.

"Brought you a refill." She smiles as she hands me the cup.

Getting up from my seat, walking around to stand in front of her. Bad idea, I know. But I can't help myself.

"Thanks. You want some of this one too?" I tease as I take a drink.

She takes the cup from me and places it on my desk. Stepping a little closer. My pulse jumps immediately. I knew this was a bad idea.

Her eyes focus on my mouth for a second before she shakes her head slightly and her eyes move back to my mine.

"The coffee was an excuse. I just wanted to come see you." She shrugs, giving me a shy smile. An adorable blush graces her features and she turns away slightly to hide it. I don't want her to feel embarrassed about admitting that so I figure sharing how I feel might help.

She gets no warning as I lean in and capture her lips with mine. I had to kiss her; I just couldn't not kiss her. It's all I've thought about. Her lips on mine, her tongue teasing mine, her body against mine. And in reality, it's even better than I remember.

"Sorry to jump you." I say as I pull back, my voice lower than I intended. "But you're all I've thought about today."

I take a step back to look at her. Her smile tells me she's not unhappy about my actions.

She's about to speak when her phone starts ringing. She looks as frustrated as I feel at yet another interruption as she grabs it from her hip. A few words later she offers me an apologetic look as she closes her phone.

"Sofia. She wants me to go over a few things."

"Have breakfast with me after shift?"

"I'll meet you here." She smiles.

I nod my reply and once again I'm left alone. With a sigh I sit back

down and try to finish my work. And not think of Sara alone with Sofia somewhere.

- - - - - - - -

Sara should be here by now. Shift finished twenty minutes ago and she's still not here.

She's probably lost track of time so I'll go look for her.

When I find her, I half wish I'd stayed in my office and waited.

She's in one of the layout rooms with Sofia. Everything's bagged and tagged on the table and they seem lost in conversation. Sara sitting and Sofia standing in front of her.

I feel my stomach start to tighten as Sofia touches Sara's face, earning herself a smile.

This is completely irrational. I'm jealous. Jealous because a woman I'm not involved with is talking to a friend of mine. I know it's stupid and I have no right to feel like this but every single fibre of my being is screaming 'mine' whenever I look at Sara. And I can't help it.

And hey, I'm resisting the urge to punch Sofia, so I figure I'm doing pretty well right now.

They seem conformable with each other. Really comfortable. You can see how much Sofia thinks of Sara every time she looks at her.

With a shake of my head I turn around, heading back to my office I grab my keys and walk out.

I can't do this. I shouldn't do this. I'm too old to be getting caught up in stupid crushes, acting like a teenager. Sofia is better for her. Less baggage. I'm betting she isn't prone to bouts of irrational jealousy either.

Sara's better off without me ruining what she could have with Sofia and I'm sure as hell better off without another relationship to mess up. I'm always the one who gets hurt in the end any way and I can definitely do without that.

I've been stupid. I let myself get caught up in a fantasy and all because of two kisses. I'm an idiot sometimes. You'd think I'd learn, but no, I just keep on making mistakes. Well I think now is the time to change that.

Plus, work based relationships never work. I'm just glad I came to my senses before there was an actual relationship to ruin.

I don't even hesitate when I reach my car, just get in and drive away.

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	3. Chapter 3

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**Part Three**

If I thought work was strange before, damn was I wrong. It's twice as bad now.

It's been nearly three weeks since I stood Sara up, Not that we had a date as such. But still, I walked away with no explanation, not a word. Just left her thinking we were having breakfast and more importantly, we were going to talk.

I wasn't even halfway home that day before she called my cell. I wanted to answer the phone. Tell her I'd had to leave for something and to meet me later. But I didn't. I kept seeing her and Sofia. Kept thinking how I'd mess up what could be a great relationship for her. Sofia would be good for her.

I had a message on my machine when I got home. She sounded worried. Wondered why I'd left, asked if Lindsey was okay. Wanted me to call her back. But I didn't, I couldn't bring myself to. That and I didn't know how to explain my actions to her. So once again I left her hanging.

When I got to work that night I decided to act like nothing at all had happened.

She tried to talk to me during shift and I blew her off every time she brought it up. The first few times she looked confused when I casually dismissed it. But by the end of shift she looked hurt. I hated myself for it.

The next few days carried on much the same. She'd try to talk. I'd brush her off, change the subject; say I had to be somewhere. I knew it was hurting her, but that's okay. I'm used to her thinking I'm a bitch.

By the end of the week she wasn't talking to me about much of anything.

I feel like a bitch. I know I should have spoken to her but it was hard. It wouldn't have taken much for her to persuade me to give it a try and I just can't.

It kills me to see her hurting though. When I see how upset she is, my natural instinct is to comfort her. Hold her, listen to what's upsetting her, help her deal with it. Only I know what's upsetting her. Me.

So now works filled with a different tension. Awkward silences, short, cold conversations that never stray from the topic of work.

All in all. It's hell. And I have nobody but myself to blame.

I was happy when Gil gave me a b and e to work on my own tonight. Simple case, I can do my job without distractions. That was until he said. "Sofia will meet you there."

I'd developed a sudden dislike for her of late. Completely irrational I know, but I don't care. I hated her spending so much time with Sara. I hated her for being the one Sara is going to for comfort. And I don't even want to think about what else might be going on between them. She's arrogant and annoying. Okay, so she isn't, she hasn't changed at all, but I've reserved the right to dislike her for any reason I choose. Be it a made up one or a real one.

"Hey Cath, how are you today?" Sofia asks as I get to the scene.

"I'm good thanks, and it's Catherine." I snap. Okay Catherine, this is not how you're going to be today. I hold up my hand a second after I speak. "Sorry, bad day, didn't mean to snap." I offer, trying to look apologetic but probably not managing it.

"That's okay. Wanna talk about it?"

Fuck her for being so nice. "Thanks but it's okay. I just need a good night sleep."

I'm trying to be nice and I'm doing pretty well. What I actually want to do is scream at her to stay the hell away from Sara. But we're way past the 'if I can't have it, nobody can' stage of life so I keep my mouth shut.

She just nods and leads me to my scene. Even goes so far as to offer to help process it because I said I was tired.

I'm thankful to start work, the distraction is good. Keeps my mind of other things. But all too soon I'm done and heading back out.

"Done?" Sofia asks.

"Yeah, I'm gonna head back to the lab now."

"Come get a coffee with me, surely you're due a break."

I don't even think about it. "Thanks but I wanna get back."

"I'd like to talk to you about Sara."

That stops me in my tracks. I probably shouldn't do this but I nod anyway.

Sofia points to a diner across the street and I lock the car up and gesture for her to lead the way.

We've been sitting in silence for a few minutes now and it's starting to get on my nerves. "So what is it you want to talk to me about?"

"Sara."

"Yeah, you said. What about her?"

"It's personal so we're off the record here."

I nod a reply and wait for her to speak. I get the feeling I'm not going to enjoy this conversation.

"Is there anything going on between you and Sara?"

"No."

"But there was?"

"No. Where are you going with this Sofia?" I want her to hurry up and get to her point so I can leave.

"I'm guessing you know I like Sara?"

"Yeah, so? What's that got to do with me?" Well so much for not snapping today.

"I think she likes me too, or at least she could, but she's holding herself back."

"I still don't see what this has to do with me. You don't want me to talk to her and see why do you?" Fuck that, there's no way that's happening.

I'm not expecting her to laugh so I'm surprised when she does. "No, that's not it. See, we're all trained to notice things and I've noticed things about Sara."

"Like?"

"Like a few weeks ago she couldn't stop talking about you. Smiled every time your name was mentioned, that type of thing. Now she looks hurt whenever you're mentioned. Never talks about you. Goes out of her way to avoid you. That's some change, don't you think? And please don't try to tell me it's just an argument, credit me with some intelligence."

"Sofia there is nothing between us. For a second I thought there could have been but I very quickly came to my senses."

"Came to your senses?" She's giving me the 'what's that supposed to  
mean' look.

"Yeah, I realised I don't need the complications right now."

"Ah." She smiles. "So you have no objection to me asking her out?"

My jaw clenches as she speaks but I still manage to say. "No, none at all." Without choking on the words.

She slowly nods her head. "Good, the last thing I want to do is upset anyone. I'd hate to damage our friendship."

I don't reply. Just take a drink of my coffee.

"Now if I can just get Sara to see things my way." She carries on as if we're old friends having a chat. "I think we could be good together."

I stay quiet; I don't want to be having this conversation anyway.

"And boy can that woman kiss."

My jaw clenches again. I think I'm going to throw up. I don't want to be thinking about Sara kissing someone else, much less talking about it.

"I can't wait to find out what she's like in bed; I bet she'll be..."

Okay, she needs to shut up. "You know what; I really don't think she'd appreciate you talking about her like that." I know I don't appreciate it. And I know I might slap her if she does it again. "If you're hoping to have any type of relationship with her you'll keep thoughts like that to yourself. Now if you'll excuse me I have work to do."

I move to stand up but she places a hand on my arm, getting my attention. She's laughing again. I think she has a strange idea of what funny is.

"Please, just wait a second." She asks.

I sit again and look at her, well it's more of a glare than a look.

"You have no feelings for her at all?"

"We covered this." I'm getting pissed off now.

"Catherine, I know full well that Sara wouldn't appreciate people talking about her like that. And it's not something I'd ever do were the situation not what it is. I said it to see your reaction."

Now I am pissed off. "Well that's great, now if you've quite finished  
amusing yourself we do have work to do."

"You don't see what I'm saying."

"No, I don't and I don't really care."

"Jesus Catherine, could you get your head out of your ass for two  
minutes?"

She holds her hand up as I go to speak. That's okay. My tearing her a new one can wait a second. Who the fuck does she think she is talking to me like that?

"It's painfully obvious that you have feelings for her, pretty strong ones too I'd bet. And I don't mind saying that I think you're an idiot for not jumping at the chance to be with her."

"Thanks for the opinion. You done now?"

"Why are you pushing her away?"

"When that's your business, I'll let you know. Besides, I'd have thought you'd be happy about it. Means you have her all to yourself."

"See, if that were the case I would be. But it isn't. As much as it pains me to both say it, and realise it, it's you she wants. Not me." She looks sad and for a second I feel sorry for her. "I never stood a chance, and believe me, I tried."

"She wants me? So why did she kiss you?"

"She didn't, I lied." She shrugs. "Your face was a picture though."

"Sofia why are you doing this?"

"It's that old cliché about wanting to see her happy, even if it's with someone else."

"How very noble of you." I have no idea why I snapped at her then. She's trying to do the right thing here. "I didn't mean that, I know you're thinking of Sara here."

"Oh don't get me wrong, I'm jealous as hell and if I thought I could get away with it, I'd probably kill you." She jokes. I think.

She looks serious now and I get why when she starts speaking. "She's not like anyone else you've even been with Catherine. She'd never intentionally hurt you. She doesn't have it in her."

What is it with this woman stopping me in my tracks? I don't answer her. I don't know what to say. Fuck her for being so insightful. It makes me uncomfortable when people can read me so easily.

"All I'm saying is think about it. If you feel anything for her at all. Talk to her. Explain how you feel. She has insecurities too. And I'm sick of seeing her hurting. Now I'll shut up, I've said my piece." She nods and finishes her drink.

She's given me a lot to think about. Pointed out things I didn't want pointed out, things I wanted to ignore and try to forget. Like how strong my feelings for Sara are. All the insecurities and doubts in the world won't let me ignore that.

I think it's time I got the hell over myself and talked to Sara. If she's still willing that is.

"Thanks Sofia." I offer as we exit the diner and head to our cars. She just nods. I don't think I'd have done the same if I were her.

"You know Willows; you can be quite intimidating when you want to be." She laughs.

I laugh too. "Ask Sara out again and you'll see how intimidating I can be." I joke, well half joke, and I'm pretty sure she knows it.

- - - - - -

I've been pottering around the house for the past hour. Last nights conversation with Sofia is still spinning around my mind, hence me trying to keep myself busy and not think about it too much.

I'm going to talk to Sara after shift tonight. If she agrees. Although I have no idea what to say to her. Thankfully I have a little time to try to think of something.

I'm surprised when I hear a knock at the door. It's way too early for Linds to be coming home. It best not be someone trying to sell me something. I'm not in the mood today.

I come to a screeching halt as I open my door to find Sara. Fuck. So much for having some time to think about this.

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	4. Chapter 4

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**Part Four**

Now this I was not expecting. I know Sara and I need to talk but I thought I'd have to do at least a little grovelling to get her to agree. Seems I was wrong.

I haven't moved yet. I'm just standing here holding the door open, staring at her. A million questions bouncing around in my head. I haven't even had time to think of something to say to her. A way to explain why I've acted as I have. Well I guess I'd better start thinking quickly.

She looks nervous. Nervous and determined. She's got that 'I'm not giving in till I get an answer' look she gets in work sometimes. When she can't figure something out. It's cute.

I realise neither of us have moved or said anything for a good few minutes and I'm just about to invite her in but she beats me to it. She seems to take a deep breath, brace herself. Then she just walks right in. All but ignoring me and heading to my living room.

Closing the door and following her in. I momentarily flashback to the last time we were in this room together. The start of this whole mess.

She's standing in the middle of the room and I don't get chance to speak. She gets there first.

"We need to talk. Well actually no, you've made it perfectly clear that you don't want to talk but I have a few things I want to say, all you need to do is listen. It won't take long, then I'll go." She pauses for a second. No doubt waiting for my protest but it doesn't come. This is the least I owe her.

I'm a little relieved. At least this way I'll get a clue about what she's thinking before telling her how I feel.

"You're a bitch. A total bitch. If you regretted what happened between us you could have just told me, I'd have understood. I never figured you for a coward Catherine but having seen how you've acted with me the past few weeks it's clear that I was wrong."

Well I deserved that. I never thought of myself as a coward either. It bothers me that that's how I've been acting of late.

"I mean, just totally blowing me off like that? Acting as if I'm not even important enough for an explanation? That's callous, even for you."

Ouch. Now that hurt.

"So obviously you think it was a mistake, that's fine, really it is. You're not the first person to do something like this to me and knowing my luck, you won't be the last. But we work together; we need to start acting like adults, being civil. So you want to forget this even happened? Fine. Consider it forgotten, along with any friendship we might have had because I sure as hell don't need a friend who thinks so little of me."

Having seemingly said what she came here to say she immediately heads towards the door. I move to stop her, ask her to stay, but she turns back to me. "One more thing. I think you're an idiot. You're an idiot for not even seeing what might have happened. And I hate that you made me feel stupid. Stupid for thinking you cared enough about me to treat me like a person."

And for the third time today I'm stopped short. Her words hit me like a slap in the face. How could I have treated her like this? She's right, I'm a bitch. I have some serious explaining to do and more that a little making up.

It's only when I hear my front door shut that I realise she left while I was lost in thought. I'm panicking a little as I run after her, hoping I'm not too late. But thankfully she's just getting in the car when I open the front door.

She doesn't even look at me when I open her car door. "Please come back inside. I owe you an explanation, as well as an apology."

I breathe a sigh of relief as she takes the key from the ignition and steps out of the car.

I'm suddenly nervous as we re-enter the living room. I'm going to tell her exactly how I feel, be completely honest with her and I'm scared. Scared she'll reject me. Although if she does it'll be my own stupid fault.

She gives me an expectant look as she sits on the sofa by me. Clearly waiting for me to start talking. Taking a deep breath. "Firstly I want to say I'm sorry. Sorry for treating you so badly these past few weeks. Sorry for not talking to you. Sorry for acting as if nothing happened. But mostly I'm sorry for hurting you, for making you think I didn't care."

"This is how you treat people when you do care?"

Her question throws me. I'm not sure how to answer it. "Yes...I mean no. No I don't treat people I care about like that."

"So it's just me? I feel so special now." She deadpans and had she said that to anybody else I'd have probably laughed.

"I'm not explaining myself very well am I?" I sigh.

"No, you're not."

Okay Catherine, let's start at the beginning. That's usually best. "What I'm trying to say is that I got scared."

"Of what?"

"That morning we were meant to talk. You were late, so I went looking for you and I saw you talking to Sofia."

"Catherine you know there's nothing..."

"I know." She doesn't need to finish the sentence. "It was clear she wanted more than friendship. And it threw me just how jealous I was, that's when I realised how strongly I felt for you."

"So you pushed me away?" She asks. "That really doesn't make sense."

This is the bit I'm nervous about. I have no idea what her feelings for me are and here I am, about to pour my heart out. "I didn't want to be feeling that way again. Sara, one single kiss and you were all I could think about. It scared me how much I felt for you after such a short time."

Her expression softens and I feel myself relax a little. Maybe this won't be the train wreck I'd envisaged.

"So I got scared and ran. I told myself that you'd be better of with Sofia, that she'd be good for you."

She's looking at me in disbelief. "Firstly, don't ever presume to know what I need better than I do." There's that intensity I love so much. "Secondly, I don't get it. Why would you do that?"

Another deep breath. "Because it seems I'm always the one getting hurt in relationships. Because the last time I fell in love, really fell in love was Eddie and look how that turned out." Jesus I hope she still wants to give this a try. I'm telling her things I don't even like to think about myself and I'd hate for it to be in vain. "The second time we kissed I knew I could fall for you so easily and if I did I'd be in a position to be hurt yet again."

And there it is. The truth. I hope it works because that's all I've got.

I stay quiet and let her take in what I've said. Let her think.

"So what changed? Why are you explaining now?" She questions a few minutes later.

"A conversation I had with Sofia at work last night and she made me see what an ass I was being. I can't deny how I feel. It's just not me. Keeping things in is not something I'm good at." She knows that all to well thanks to the numerous arguments we've had. "And even if you're not interested I wanted to explain and tell you how sorry I am."

She returns the smile I get as she reaches over and takes my hand. "Catherine you have to know I'd never do anything to hurt you intentionally. I know how it feels and I'd never do that to someone else."

I don't think she'd do something like that even if she didn't know how it felt. She always tries to do what's right; she's probably the most honourable person I've ever met.

"I know and it wasn't about you. It was me and my insecurities getting the better of me." And now for the big one. "Didn't it scare you? Or am I the only one with these huge feelings?"

I don't release my breath till she smiles and shakes her head. "No I wasn't scared. But then there was nothing sudden about my feelings for you. I had time to get over being scared."

I'm taken aback by that. I had just assumed it had started the day we kissed. I never even considered that she might have had feelings for me before that.

My free hand moves to her face of its own accord, fingers trailing along her cheekbone. "You should have said something."

"I did. This is what happened." She shrugs, giving me a half smile.

"God I'm so sorry." That's all I can think to say. She gets up the courage to tell me how she feels and all I could do was act like a bitch towards her.

I have no idea what happens now. It's up to her. I've explained as best I can and now I just have to accept whatever she decides.

"Are you still scared? I mean do you want to forget this ever happened?" She's unsure. Seems to be a running theme between us.

"Yes I'm still scared and no I don't want to forget it happened. I'm hoping you'll give me another chance. But I'll respect whatever you decide on this."

The next few minutes are some of the longest of my life. I'm still scared by all of this. Feeling so much for her so soon makes me nervous.

"I understand you're reasons, I'm sure had I been you I'd have done something similar."

I know she wouldn't have. But it's sweet of her to say. To try and make me feel better about it. I hurt her and here she is trying to make me feel better. She's fucking amazing.

"So what if I said I'd like to forget the past few weeks ever happened? Have that conversation we were meant to have right now?"

Wow. Is it healthy to feel so many things at once? Shock, gratitude, relief, elation, amazement. She just keeps on amazing me. To say I'm happy about this would be an understatement.

"I would absolutely love that." I tell her through the massive smile that won't be going anywhere in a hurry.

"Good." I love her smile. "What I wanted to say that morning was, I have no idea where this thing between us is going. But I do know that I don't want it to stop. And if you're interested I'd like to take you out."

She doesn't hesitate to respond when I lean in and kiss her. I couldn't think of any other way of showing her how I feel. I didn't have the words. "You are amazing." I tell her when I move back. "And I'd love to go out with you."

- - - - -

We spent most of the afternoon talking. I told her about some of my past relationships and I learnt about hers. I hope she really does understand why I was worried, why I pushed her away.

I think it's going to take a while for her to fully get over it though. Her words to me as she left made that clear.

"You have to promise me something."

I'd probably have promised her my left kidney if that's what she had asked for.

"Promise me that if you change your mind again you'll tell me. That I won't get to work tonight to find you're ignoring me again."

"I promise." Right then I wanted kick myself. Fuck me for making her feel she needed to say that.

I guess I'll just have to do everything I can to make sure she never feels like this again.

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	5. Chapter 5

**I have no idea if I should be posting this here. It's kinda graphic but the ratings system is vague so I'm gonna post it. Knowing my luck I'll lose my account but what can ya do?**

**Disclaimers ain't changed since part one. **

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**Part Five**

Sara is amazing. Absolutely amazing. I act like the queen bitch from hell, treat her like shit and what does she do? Forgives me. Without a second thought she forgives me. Acts as if it never happened. She's amazing.

That day we finally talked things out was almost a month ago and we've been dating since then.

She's great with Linds too. Really makes the effort with my stroppy teenage daughter. It's obvious she feels a little strange around her at times, doesn't quite know what to say or do, but she tries. And that's a hell of a lot more than can be said for my previous partners. Hell, even her dad didn't try as hard.

When I got to work that night we talked, she looked nervous as I entered the break room. Flashing me a shy smile that grew when I smiled in return. I asked her to come to my office for a second. I think she assumed I'd changed my mind. I put that thought out of her head the second we were alone. I kissed her senseless. I'd wanted to do it the second I saw her but the guys were there and I didn't know how she'd react to that. Plus, I wanted her to myself even if it was just for a few minutes.

I've never in my life been kissed the way she kisses me. Sometimes soft and slow, sometimes demanding or heated but always intense. It's cliché but when she kisses me it's as if nothing else matters. Just her and me. I can't get enough; I never miss an opportunity to kiss her. Hell, I've gone out of my way to make opportunities just to kiss her.

I never realised how tactile she is either. She's constantly touching me and I love every second. She's a lot more relaxed and open than I ever thought she would be. It's like I get to see this whole different side of Sara. A side she keeps hidden away when we're at work. I get why she does it though. Why the guards go up the second she walks into the lab. And as selfish as it seems I'm glad I get that part of her to myself.

We've taken things slow. That's how she wanted it and I was more than happy to agree. But damn if she hasn't made it hard. Made me want to tear her clothes off and make her scream. I think I've set a record for taking cold showers of late.

That had to change tonight though. I couldn't wait any more. I had to feel her. I think I'd have been okay had it not been for the argument we had at work this morning. We were arguing over some evidence and how it affected the case and I could feel my pulse rising. She's so sexy when she's angry. Then out of nowhere I'm pinned to the wall and she's kissing me. The sound and feel of her moaning into my mouth drove me crazy.

I might have been able to ignore my hormones but she pulled back and practically growled into my ear. "You have no idea how much you turn me on." Before walking out of the room.

Fuck. The sound of her voice, Low and lust filled. The way she kissed me. How her body felt against me. The knowledge that I affect her just as much as she affects me. It was all too much. I knew I couldn't wait any more.

We had a date tonight. I was planning on asking her to come home with me afterwards. I teased her from the moment she picked me up. Lingering touches, slow kisses, heated looks. I couldn't help it. I couldn't keep my eyes or my hands off her. She was driving me to distraction.

It seems I wasn't the only one suffering because we didn't even get halfway through dinner when she asked for the bill. I was confused for a second until I saw her eyes, the heat in them made me weak. "Come home with me. I can't think I want you so much." She whispered in my ear.

I didn't need to be asked twice. The woman has been driving me insane for weeks. Although I did have to take a minute and compose myself before I moved. I can't even remember the last time some literally made me weak in the knees with words alone.

I somehow managed to keep my hands to myself until we got to her apartment. But I know I haven't had a single coherent thought since the door closed behind us. Sara was kissing me before the door clicked shut and we've only made it to the living room so far.

My shirt was disposed of somewhere in the hall and hers didn't last much longer.

Momentarily casting my eyes down to Sara's I bring my hands up to tangle them in her hair.

I'm backed up against the wall, head thrown back. Moaning. She's kneeling in front of me. Her mouth trailing hot kisses over my stomach. I gasp as she pops the buttons of my jeans and trails kisses lower. Lowering my hands to her shoulders I pull her up. "Kiss me." I demand and she's only to happy to comply.

My hips are moving of their own accord, grinding into her and I'm moaning constantly. She's put me on sensory overload. I need her to touch me.

Pulling back from our kiss I hear her ask. "Look at me baby."

When I finally open my eyes she's looking right at me, eyes dark, breathing heavy. Sexy as fucking hell.

Her eyes never leave mine as her hand starts moving down my body. I arch into her and just as her fingertips slip into my panties I bring a hand up to stop her.

"Not here. Bed." Is all my lust filled mind can manage. Even in this state I know I don't want our first time to be rushed.

She smiles as she grabs my hips and walks us backward towards the bedroom.

- - - - - - - -

I wake a little later to the feel of her kissing across my shoulder. It's still dark so we haven't been sleeping long.

Her hand moves to my stomach and I cover it with mine. Stopping its movement. My head tilts a little as she kisses her way up my neck to tease my earlobe.

"I couldn't wait any more. I need you."

She sounds desperate. And when she pulls back to look at me the arousal is clear in her eyes. She takes my hand in hers and guides them downward.

"I woke up and all I could think about was earlier. The feeling of you lying naked next to me. The thought of how you sounded, how you felt, how you tasted." She husks, sending shivers through my body. "I just couldn't wait; I need you to touch me." Pausing for a kiss. "Feel." She gasps.

I'm the one who moans as my fingers slide into slick heat. "God Sara, you're so wet."

Arousal filling my body the second I feel just how ready she is. She's struggling to keep her eyes open already. Her breath ragged. I stroke her slowly, matching the rhythm of her hips. She looks so beautiful right now.

I manage to roll us over without breaking contact. "I need to taste you." I'd wanted to before but she tired me out before I got the chance.

Her low groan at my words only intensifies the need I have to please her. To hear her moaning my name in release.

After giving her a slow kiss I quickly make my way down her body. I doubt she'd appreciate a repeat of the teasingly slow touches I gave her earlier.

"Please Catherine." I hear as I come to rest between her parted thighs.

I feel her hand rest on my head and hear a strangled moan as I let my tongue run along her length. Fuck, she tastes good.

Long, slow strokes of my tongue. I can't help taking my time. Savour every thing about this. Make sure this first time is burned into my memory.

Her body starts to shake and I slide my fingers into her. Wanting to give her as much pleasure as I can. Slow, deep thrusts. Matching the pace of my tongue.

I don't stop when the first orgasm hits. I just ease up a little only to pick up the pace again when she starts to relax.

I hear a breathy. "Ooh god yes." When I take her clit into my mouth and gently suck, it almost sends me over the edge.

Then she moans my name, long and low. It sends shivers down my spine. I ease her down from her second orgasm and slowly kiss my way back up her body.

God she looks fantastic right now. Eyes still heavy lidded and a little unfocused. Completely satiated and thoroughly satisfied. It's a look I plan to see as often as I can.

"I'll have to start taking naps again if you're going to make a habit of waking me up." Pausing for a kiss. "And no, that wasn't a complaint."

I love that sexy little chuckle she has.

More slow kisses follow and I move us onto our sides so we're facing each other. Bringing my hand up to let my fingers trail across her face.

"What are you thinking about?"

"I'm thinking that I'm falling in love with you." I'm shocked when I say those words and don't feel even a slight panic. As if I've said it a million times. I can't be anything but honest with her about how I feel. And I trust that she won't be callous with my feelings. Even if she doesn't share them.

She gives me the most amazing smile. "Good. I'd hate to be the only one feeling like that."

Long moments pass and I'm content to just be with her.

"So can I go back to sleep now?" I tease.

She moves me onto my back. Covering my body with hers. "I think I should tire you out a little more." Her hand moves to cover my breast. Slowly massaging.

"I love how you think." I laugh as I pull her down for another kiss. Fuck sleep.

- - - - - - - -

I still get jealous when I see her with Sofia. I can't help it. Turns out I'm quite possessive, who knew? But it's okay, because now I know she's mine. She comes home to me. And I trust her. Every instinct I have tells me I can trust her. I think I trust Sofia too. But fuck, I'd never let her know that. Besides, Sara thinks I'm sexy when I'm jealous. So it's a bonus.

I still cringe when I think about how stupid I was. How I nearly screwed the whole thing up.

But thankfully for me, I didn't. A kick up the ass from Sofia saw to that. I even thanked her. It was awkward, she isn't exactly happy with the fact Sara and I are together. I felt for her. Were it not for her making me see sense I'd have been her. Watching the woman I wanted with someone else.

In the end I guess I got lucky. She gave me another chance and we're happy. She makes me happy. I hope I get to spend the rest of my life doing the same for her.

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